What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
