Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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