We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
