i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have aggressive nipples.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
