Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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