She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
