i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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