He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
