You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
