I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
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