I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
