Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
