why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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