This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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