Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
