i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
