dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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