I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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