It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
