Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
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