Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
