About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
