Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
