My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
