I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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