upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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