My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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