dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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