Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
