Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
