if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
