you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
