I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
