How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
