Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
