Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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