Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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