I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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