so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
