Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
two words...techno handjob
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
