I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
