You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
