my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
