im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
