The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
