sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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