Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
