....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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