You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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