Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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