If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
