After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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