So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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