just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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