it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
