I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
