i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
