I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
