she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
