Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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