just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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