There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
