You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Let's get the cat blown out
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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