remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
