It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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