we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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