you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
