You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
