I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
