Ambien. No doubt about it.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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