Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
