He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
