ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
