I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
