We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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