She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
