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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
