I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
