Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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