Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
