Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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