I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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