Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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