Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
