I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
