I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
