College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
