It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
