does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I AM VODKA MAN
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
