Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize