i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
