She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
