I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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