Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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