If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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