do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
