Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize