Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
