sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
