u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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