My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
