I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
