Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
