she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
