just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize