Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
