he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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