You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
